Chicago Fatties

by 11:22 AM 0 comments
The city of broad shoulders has let its weight shift to its midsection over the past several years, probably part of the grieving over losing Coach Ditka, MJ, and Harry Carey. But the Fatties have embraced this physiological change and built their team persona around it, seeking to make "Super Size Me" catchy yet again.

Chicago made the playoffs for their third consecutive year in season 12, but Norfolk's pitching prowess may make it difficult for Chicago to recapture the division crown they garnered in season 11. In the offseason, Chicago made only a few moves, dealing CF Escobar to Montgomery for a relief project while adding two serviceable major league arms via free agency.

The rotation is filled with workhorses who are higher on stamina than talent, although Amos Phillips and Benito Camacho are both very solid contributors. Theo Craddock anchors the bullpen which has many high stamina contributors. The Fatties rotation is built for the 162 game marathon, but lacks the spark necessary for a short playoff burst. Another front line starter would help significantly.

Offensively, the Fatties are promising to promote a slew of young and talented players in season 13. Wagner, Davenport, and Pulido provide excellent bats that will help right away. One wonders if Pulido is ready for SS, but as a 3B, he has the glove and arm to be passable right away. These players will supplement an offense paced by Philip Gardner, Enrique Uribe, and the Dave Kingman-esque power of Daniel Scanlan (51 HRs/OBP under .300 last season).

The reinforcements will help Chicago compete for a fourth consecutive playoff birth. One wonders if their pitchers will be able to take them any further than that. But at least the XXL waist is now celebrated in the Windy City, thanks to the Chicago Fatties!


Commissioner of the fakest fake baseball league on the planet: Plumpy Rules!!!!111